are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
