it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
