I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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