obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.