you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
