I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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