I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
