Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
