conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
