She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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