I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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