why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
