Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
