apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
