This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
