What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
