just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
