dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
