Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
