I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
