Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
