I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
