You're so nebulous sometimes
Yo dont text me then not text me
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
