apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
