there's paper in my vomit.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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