this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
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I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
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Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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