He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
