Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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