see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
