i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
