Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
