It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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