Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
