no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
