How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
