Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
