I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
