Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
