arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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