So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
