you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
