This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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