he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
