He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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