bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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