If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
