Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
