Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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