he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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