well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
