Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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