I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
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I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
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Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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