"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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