Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
