please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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