I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
