Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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