hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
