I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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