I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
