My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Come on in and take your pants off
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