I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Randomize
