I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
