I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
