I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
