Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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