I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
