No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
