once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
