Its about making memories worth repressing
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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