Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize