did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
