last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
