If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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