And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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