if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I want her autograph on my taint
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
