I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
